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By Samantha Lande, BCB Staff Writer
One of the funniest people we’ve ever met, Karen Alpert takes a no-holds-barred approach to divulging the truth—good, bad and ugly— about parenthood in her wildly popular blog Baby Sideburns. She’s also the New York Times bestselling author of I Heart My Little A-Holes, a book full of (sometimes) profane, always real vignettes that miraculously make you feel like you aren’t alone in this insane journey. Karen tells us below how she handles life as a mommy, blogger and author. And if you can’t get enough, catch her on Saturday at Best of Bump Club in Chicago for a morning comedy hour.
NAME: Karen Alpert
AGE: F.U. Oh wait, that was a real question. Fine, 29.
KIDS & AGES: Zoey, 6, Holden, 3.5
FAVORITE CHARITY: Save the Children
Tell us your backstory…
I was in advertising (and still dabble in it) for over a decade and when I had my daughter I started a blog. I never expected it to blow up into this. It has its advantages and disadvantages. I get to work from home, but it is a lot of pressure.
Tell us about your typical weekday…
I’m woken up every single day at the ass crack of dawn by Holden who is training to be a rooster. I spend the morning yelling at my kids to hold onto my shoulders and not my head while I put their pants on, yelling at my kids to sit down and drink their smoothies because they begged me to make it, and yelling at them to put their shoes on because we’re already late. After I drop them off at school, I find a quiet spot at a coffee shop and write about my life and how much it sucks. And then at dinner we share our highs and lows of the day, where I have no problem coming up with a low. Finally I put them to bed and watch as much TV as humanly possible.
Tell us about a “save the day moment”
I’m proud of myself at the end of every day because my children are still alive and still seem to love me despite all my mistakes.
Who is your Wonder Woman ?
Every teacher I’ve ever met. To spend day-in day-out watching and loving and caring for all those children who aren’t your own is absolutely amazing to me.
If you could have a secret identity what would it be and what would you use it for?
I would be an employee at Target and I would use it for the employee discount.
What is your arch nemesis?
Facebook. I need it for my blog so I have to go on it every day, but then I find myself going through some random old friend’s pictures from her wedding and like three hours have passed. It’s such a time suck.
What is in your Wonder Woman power pack?
My cell phone, Tic Tacs, a ponytail holder around my wrist, a bottomless purse of snacks, bubbly water.
Who is your Sidekick/Partner in Crime?
My kiddos and my hubby. We are a team.
What would you consider your theme song?
Anything on Kidz Bop!
Which Superhero do you most identify with and why?
Mr. Hankey Poo. Wait, is he even a super hero?
Who is your supporting cast of characters that helps you to achieve Wonder Woman status?
My readers. Every day I am so ridiculously thankful for them.
How do you protect (and give back to) your community?
There was a time in my life where I did tons of community service, but right now with little kids it’s just hard to fit it in. I went to New Orleans twice to help rehabilitate the city after Hurricane Katrina. I was a volunteer counselor at a camp for children with life-threatening illnesses. I taught arts and crafts for seven years at a bridge home in Dorchester, MA. I took Zoey to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children last year and as she gets older, I hope she’ll do lots of work with me. It’s so rewarding. But for now, I’m a busy mom just trying to be a good person. I also like to think that I’m creating a community where parents can hang out and feel good about the tough job they’re doing every day.
Every week BCB introduces you to a mom we think is amazing through our Mom IRL feature. Check out Bump Club and Beyond for more moms we love! Are you doing something amazing that we should know about? Or do you know someone who we should meet? Be sure to email us with your recommendation at email@example.com for a chance to be featured!