By Samantha Lande, BCB Staff Writer
Welcome to Wonder Woman Wednesday, a weekly feature that will attempt to tackle the question we are frequently asked— “how do moms really do it all?” Each week we will feature an amazing mom with extraordinary abilities. From founders of some of the most successful companies to philanthropists who are changing the world, these women are true heroines. To thank them for lifting the cape on some of their super powers, we will make a donation to the charity of their choice.
NAME: Karen Alpert
AGE: F.U. Oh wait, that was a real question. Fine, 29.
KIDS & AGES: Zoey, 6, Holden, 3.5
FAVORITE CHARITY: Save the Children
One of the funniest people we’ve ever met, Karen Alpert takes a no-holds-barred approach to divulging the truth—good, bad and ugly— about parenthood in her wildly popular blog Baby Sideburns. She’s also the New York Times bestselling author of I Heart My Little A-Holes, a book full of (sometimes) profane, always real vignettes that miraculously make you feel like you aren’t alone in this insane journey. Karen tells us below how she handles life as a mommy, blogger and author. And if you can’t get enough, catch her on Saturday at Best of Bump Club in Chicago for a morning comedy hour.
Tell us your backstory…
I was in advertising (and still dabble in it) for over a decade and when I had my daughter I started a blog. I never expected it to blow up into this. It has its advantages and disadvantages. I get to work from home, but it is a lot of pressure.
Tell us about your typical weekday…
I’m woken up every single day at the ass crack of dawn by Holden who is training to be a rooster. I spend the morning yelling at my kids to hold onto my shoulders and not my head while I put their pants on, yelling at my kids to sit down and drink their smoothies because they begged me to make it, and yelling at them to put their shoes on because we’re already late. After I drop them off at school, I find a quiet spot at a coffee shop and write about my life and how much it sucks. And then at dinner we share our highs and lows of the day, where I have no problem coming up with a low. Finally I put them to bed and watch as much TV as humanly possible.
Tell us about a “save the day moment”
I’m proud of myself at the end of every day because my children are still alive and still seem to love me despite all my mistakes.
Who is your Wonder Woman ?
Every teacher I’ve ever met. To spend day-in day-out watching and loving and caring for all those children who aren’t your own is absolutely amazing to me.
If you could have a secret identity what would it be and what would you use it for?
I would be an employee at Target and I would use it for the employee discount.
What is your arch nemesis?
Facebook. I need it for my blog so I have to go on it every day, but then I find myself going through some random old friend’s pictures from her wedding and like three hours have passed. It’s such a time suck.
What is in your Wonder Woman power pack?
My cell phone, Tic Tacs, a ponytail holder around my wrist, a bottomless purse of snacks, bubbly water.
Who is your Sidekick/Partner in Crime?
My kiddos and my hubby. We are a team.
What would you consider your theme song?
Anything on Kidz Bop!
Which Superhero do you most identify with and why?
Mr. Hankey Poo. Wait, is he even a super hero?
Who is your supporting cast of characters that helps you to achieve Wonder Woman status?
My readers. Every day I am so ridiculously thankful for them.
How do you protect (and give back to) your community?
There was a time in my life where I did tons of community service, but right now with little kids it’s just hard to fit it in. I went to New Orleans twice to help rehabilitate the city after Hurricane Katrina. I was a volunteer counselor at a camp for children with life-threatening illnesses. I taught arts and crafts for seven years at a bridge home in Dorchester, MA. I took Zoey to volunteer at Feed My Starving Children last year and as she gets older, I hope she’ll do lots of work with me. It’s so rewarding. But for now, I’m a busy mom just trying to be a good person. I also like to think that I’m creating a community where parents can hang out and feel good about the tough job they’re doing every day.
Join Bump Club and Beyond for The Best of Bump Club and Beyond on Saturday at the Swissotel in Chicago! Included in this full day of ALL things BCB (seminars, products, gift bags and giveaways galore!) is COMEDY HOUR with Karen Alpert, a.k.a. Baby Sideburns! The Helpful, Hilarious (and Sometimes Heinous) Truths About Parenthood starts at 10:30am. For more information and registration click here. BCB will make a donation to Save the Children in honor of Karen and as a thank you for taking the time to share her secret powers with us!