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I remember when I was pregnant, people would tell me to see my friends as much as possible, because once the baby arrived, I would hardly ever see them anymore. And while those first few months post baby were all consuming, I found that I needed my friends more than ever. Although we don’t see each other as much as we did in our 20′s, many of my friendships are stronger than ever. Through my kid’s activities, I’ve been lucky enough to make some new friends that are also moms. We might not be hitting up “da club” every weekend like we once did, but we are bonded through a constant stream of text messages, phone calls, and the much needed moms night out. I don’t know what I would do without their support and friendship. They say variety is the spice of life and that couldn’t be more true when it comes to mom friends. Here are the five kinds of mom friends that I think make motherhood more manageable…and more fun:
The Concierge – Looking for a good pediatric dermatologist? Need to know know where to get the best nut-free cupcakes in town? Snagged a last minute sitter and have no idea where you should eat? This mom always has the answers. She has great taste and has somehow managed to stay in the loop of what’s hip and trendy despite being a busy mom of three. She’s the one that will casually remind you that you’re still wearing that backpack diaper bag even though neither of your kids have worn diapers in over a year. And then she’ll send you a link to a bag that won’t break the bank but will make head turns at the next PTA meeting.
Your Ghost of Christmas Future – This mom has kids a few years older than yours. She’ll become your number one source for all things school, sickness, and milestone related. She’ll be there to reassure you that “this too shall pass.” She’ll remind you that there’s light at the end of the no sleep tunnel. And the potty training tunnel. And the tantrum throwing tunnel. But watching her kids grow into hyper-emotional prepubescent teenagers will make you appreciate your small babies and remind you of the good old saying “small kids, small problems. Big kids, big problems.”
Your Opposite – If you’re a stay at home mom, you need to make friends with at least one working mom. And vice versa. Everybody thinks the grass is always greener but being honest with one another about your daily struggles and insecurities will make you realize that there’s not one right choice or easy way out when it comes to raising kids. When it’s a sunny beautiful day out, she might text you saying she’s jealous you get to picnic with your kids while she’s stuck in a cubicle on the 87th floor of a building. But she’ll feel better after you tell her your kid just had a massive diaper blowout on the one day you forgot a change of clothes and how you had to MacGyver a diaper out of a used paper towel and a bobby pin. Your friendship will make you appreciate all the work moms do and that we’re all in this together.
The Treat Yo’ Self Mom – You’ll definitely want to make friends with a mom who always finds time to take for herself. No matter what life throws her way, she still manages to get a daily workout in, has a fresh manicure, and maintains an active social calendar. Although you might not be able to keep up with her, she’s always there to remind you that it’s important to take care of yourself. Necessary, actually. It’s not selfish because you end up being a better version of yourself which usually leads to being a better mom. She’ll also be the one who responds “HELL YES” to your group text “Mayday” asking if anyone wants to grab a last minute drink after bedtime. But she’ll show up in sweats because she’s coming straight from yoga.
The Anti-Crafter – We all know this mom. She’s notorious for being late to school drop off….and pickup, her house always looks like a tornado blew through it, and uses dry shampoo more often than is probably recommended. But guess what? Her kids are healthy, happy, and most importantly, loved. It’s a good reminder that your kids don’t care if things around them look perfect. And neither should you. Plus, you can invite her over on a moment’s notice because she won’t be judging you either. So don’t worry about the unwashed dishes in the sink and the lack of organic produce in the fridge. Send the kids to the messy playroom, pop open a box of Franzia, and relax.
Each one of these moms brings something different to the table but they all share some of the same qualities. Every one of them is going to check up on you when they know you’re dealing with a sick kid. They always offer to drop off Pedialite and chicken soup, and although you may not need anything, the offer means so much. Because as we get older and live further away from our families, our friends really do become our family. The whole notion of it “taking a village” isn’t an outdated one. These women and all of the special roles that they play in your life, ARE your village. They’re going to be there and lift you up when you feel like you’re failing as a mother. And then they’ll be right there with you to celebrate you and your child’s successes. They’ll listen to you vent for hours about your kids and your husband and your in-laws and then pretend like it never happened when all is good again. They’ll remain your friend through your child’s terrible biting stage and through your terrible Whole 30 Stage. Because they love you and they love your children. And that’s some serious #squadgoals.
Jennifer Curnes is a stay at home mom of two living in Chicago. When she’s not bra fitting or counting down the minutes until bedtime you could find her eating Nutella out of the jar with a spoon or writing about it at http://