When Nobody is Talking


A friend recently revealed she was pregnant.  Now let me tell you, I knew this day was coming.  And quite frankly, I was hoping it was coming!  She’s been married for a few years, has found great success in her work and for all intents and purposes she is the epitome of settled and “ready.”  It was an accidental reveal, one we blame on another friend, but to keep her annonymity I will skip over that and cut to the chase.

The announcement to your friends and family is one that is supposed to be filled with excitement – giddiness – especially when it’s your first go at it!  But this was  – different.  Aside from the fact that according to all the “rules” it was way too early for her to tell us, there was this unfortunate sense of disappointment and hesitation.  She was spotting.  Cue Internet research.  And cue the freak out.   What is wrong, am I miscarrying, is. this. normal?

For 12 weeks you newly pregnant ladies are forced to carry this secret with you.  You are left in the dark hiding from people, hiding from resources, and hiding from your true excitement.  But after going through this with my friend I realized that we need to help each other find the voice.  The one of shared symptoms and sympathy.  The voice of reason and understanding.  And most of all the voice of support.

And so, I come to you with this.  How do we overcome the secrecy?  I wish I had an answer.  What I do know is that we must build a community.  Find a trusted friend and share.  Find a trusted community (ahem, BCB!) and learn about resources.   You’re not alone.  You’re normal.  Every single thing you’re experiencing has happened before, so get talking.

PS – I don’t mean go crazy and make your social media debut!  Just find a fellow mom, a friend, someone outside of your family and Talk. It. Out.

Although Abbe is not a mom, she spends her days working hard on all things BCB. We are so happy she shared her perspective with us!